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BREAKING NEWS / Luizi is appointed deputy/director of the State Police

2023-02-06 16:59:21Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
BREAKING NEWS / Luizi is appointed deputy/director of the State Police
Louise Ailey

TIRANA - The drastic drop in crime figures, the reduction of road accidents, the significant reduction in cases of ordinary fights, domestic violence, bullying in schools, kindergartens and nurseries, are just some of his achievements. The fact is that he has not even tried very hard to bring order and discipline to this wool country. But enough charm, politeness, rich vocabulary, his proverbial encyclopedism, inner and outer beauty, and the rest comes by itself as if by magic.

Është fjala për Luizin, autorin e vetëm dhe të pazëvendësueshëm të luftës kundër krimit, dhunës dhe trafiqeve në Shqipëri dhe rajon, i cili është autori i jashtëzakonshëm dhe fuqiplotë i paqtimit të shoqërisë së trazuar shqiptare dhe asaj ballkanike. Ndaj dhe lajmi i sekondës së fundit, emërimi i tij si zv.drejtor i Policisë së Shtetit, për shumëkënd është vetëm një formalitet.

“E meriton, është njësh për zotin,” kaq mundi të thoshte mes lotësh drejtori i përgjithshëm i Policisë, Met Strumbullaku.

***

For days now, the statistics collected were impressive. As long as Luizi appeared on television, there were no more bank robberies; domestic violence was extinguished as if by hand; traffic on the road was reduced to a minimum, eliminating episodes such as drunk driving, running red lights, etc. The vast majority of Albanians ran around the house or bar, and holding hands, they followed Luiz's heroics with all their excitement: How he dyed his hair green, how he brushed his teeth, how he sloshed in the bucket... ehh, what a boy!

Patronageist learns that during this time, even organized crime and high-level corruption surprisingly took a terrible hit.

Thus, coincide with the time when Luiz was on TV, the cases when three cocaine traffickers left the packages of white powder in the middle of the road and entered a cafe to see Luiz; a ferry driver was looking at Luiz on his cell phone during the customs check, when the policeman asked him what he was transporting and he, totally oblivious, answered without raising his head: No, five tons of bananas and 200 kilos of cocaine, but soon enough start live voting.

Likewise, it is learned that it is Luiz's "fault" that dozens of middle and senior officials of the Albanian government forgot the packages with euros and dollars in car dashboards, clothes closets, vacuum cleaner pipes, bed mattresses, nightstand drawers, etc., and stuck to screen.

"For these and many other achievements, I can say that Luizi is the true standard-bearer of law and public order," said Interior Minister Glendi Çučja.

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But Luizi has amazed Albanians not only for his uncompromising fight against crimes and trafficking. He is a role model for everyone, adults and children alike. Through social networks, his sayings and sentences that exude wisdom and wisdom, such as: " What do I have to do with you May, you have seen me", "I come from a filth and rand, I have met and 50 years of life" , I need 5 million euros", "I'm going to melt all of May chapaçule, here's what I have", "I'm going to talk to you later, May" , etc. etc.

Even mothers want their children to have Luiz as an example. The word comes, the young mother Taulanta Palla declared that she would like her 10-year-old son Jurgeni, "when he grows up to become a cheat, a scumbag, a profiteer, a manipulator, a lazy bucket-squeezeer like Luizi".

"Thank God," added Mrs. Palla, "as soon as I got my salary, I raised three drones with the slogan 'Luiz, you are the idol of the Albanian youth'. I call on the CEC to count the votes properly, because if Luizi doesn't win, this issue will go all the way to Strasbourg! Down with criminals".    

Note: Patronageist is a satirical big brotherhood column 


Në përputhje me standarded JTI

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