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METAMORPHOSIS / “Help me in this evil hour, O Giant”: The Tall One becomes religious, prays to his portrait on the wall!

2026-11-07 11:21:09Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
METAMORPHOSIS / “Help me in this evil hour, O Giant”: The Tall One
Edi Rama

TIRANA – After lighting several candles on the special altar he had built in a secret alcove of his office, bowing his head in submission and humility, the Tall One began to pray to the Almighty to show him the right path in this evil hour, gazing imploringly at the icon hanging on the wall, which was nothing more than his own portrait.

" You who see all, you who know all, you who are above every creature, show me the true light now that I need it ," the Tall One uttered, staring at his portrait to seek the strength that only the mercy within the frame could give him.   

"O eternal one, king of kings! I have served you with devotion and have sought nothing else in this life except the exaltation of your glory. I beg you, with all your immeasurable wisdom, to shed a ray of light and show me how to strike down your enemies. If you save me from this trouble, I promise to spread your word to all corners of the globe and make all humanity sing hymns to you, O light of the world and the universe!" added the Tall One.

*** 

A strong religious feeling has recently gripped Gjati, sources say about the Patronazhist. Although he was raised in an atheistic era, he later became steeped in the teachings of Lekism-Dollarism.

Meanwhile, the religious mishmash of Orthodox origin, with a Catholic grandmother, personal Bektashi beliefs, and Jewish inspiration, kept him disoriented for a long time, until he found the true faith.

And there was no more opportune moment to seek the help of his god than in recent months, when Iranian, Russian, Serbian and Greek protesters, disguised as Tajik students, all commanded by Lali, filled the streets of Tirana demanding his resignation.

Well, he said to himself, as long as a person is well, he doesn't care much about religion, but when he hits a nail on the head, he runs to ask God for help... and he glanced at the portrait on the wall again:

"I am sorry, O Shining Star of the Universe, I will never abandon you again. You who speak in seven languages ​​of the world, who turn into a slob to every journalist who asks tendentious questions, or who simply asks; you who do not leave the prime ministers of Europe without hugging them; you who throw tantrums at the American president and then give away half the country to correct the mistake; you who play basketball in the office, paint in the office, draw in the office, and govern from the painter's studio; you and only you can get me out of this mud."

***  

It is known that deep religious feeling makes a person more altruistic, more empathetic, more helpful. And indeed, the Tall One did not pray to the icon only for himself.   

"Give Bella Balluka a helping hand, you incomparable benefactor! Help SPAK find the true path and drag out the investigations, otherwise they will expose me and the river will take me worse than Fahri's son! Give Bella what is Bella's, namely those 127 villas that she built with her sweat, working as a volunteer every afternoon after official hours..."

Meanwhile, a knock was heard at the secret door.

"Pallosh, what are you doing there, haven't you finished your prayers yet?"

It was Bella. She didn't get to answer, because the door opened and Ballukja came in. As soon as she saw the icon on the wall, she shouted at him:

"You changed your portrait again? Where did you take my picture, you idiot?"   

Note: Patronažisti is a satirical column in favor of harmony between religions, but against religious chaos within a person.


Në përputhje me standarded JTI

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