INSURRECTION/ SP MPs rebel, drag Gjati to vote on territorial division!

 Kliko këtu për të tjera
Voxpress:

2026-10-02 17:04:00Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
The American ambassador was robbed of his passport in the office of the Long One.

TIRANA – At first he was surprised how it was possible that that small and beautiful country, nestled in the Mediterranean and surrounded by giants of civilization, state-building, culture, philosophy and democracy like Greece and Italy, had remained without an American ambassador for so long. But he was told that some procedures had not gone as planned, and he did not think about it any longer.

Former General Erik Wendt was satisfied with the news that the Duce had made Albania a paradise, and he gladly accepted the new assignment. When he was later told that the Albanians are staunchly pro-American and that there is good and cheap food there, there are seas, beaches, Alps, rivers and lakes all together in one place, he said to himself, "A bright day has come for them too, Erik the boy, because there are no wars left ."

***  

They welcomed him like no other. President Barjami, excited, looked at him with a twinkle in his eye when he received the credentials. At first, he didn't even want to take them.

"Your Excellency, Mr. Ambassador, there is no need for letters, we know you, it's good that you came to us!", and ordered the staff, "Quickly, the brandies and the livers of the pan. Hello, Safet, is that lamb cooked or not?"

Erik was surprised, but insisted: "You will receive the letters, Mr. President, because that is how protocol demands it!"

Barjam laughed: " Well said, a house with tiles, a state with rules. May it not be ruined. Do you know that I was also a general, even an army chief? We are colleagues, brothers."

Erik was surprised and asked him where he had served, in Iraq, in Afghanistan...

"No, no, I'm a gastroenterologist by trade, but I became a general as a military doctor. That's great. Bring it back, bro! ", Barjami replied.

Erik barely touched the glass and set it down on the tray. "Excuse me, Mr. President, but it's early. I'm starting the day with brandy, and by dinner I'm a drum. Then the prime minister is waiting for me."

As soon as I Gjati was mentioned, Barjam sobered up. Yes, yes, very right , he said, you should go, forgive me for delaying you… You will come again, don't forget us!

***

In the office of Tall One, Erik, who is himself just as tall, was confronted by a man in sweatpants and slippers. The ambassador remembered that his entourage had mixed up the building. But he recognized him from the portrait: It was the prime minister.

The Tall One spoke first: " Where are you, Pasha? You've dried us up. Come on, let me show you the paintings ." And he put some colored scribbles in front of him, as well as some normal drawings of houses, animals...

"These houses are very beautiful, " Erik said happily, "but these scratches were probably made by the children, right?"   

But the Tall One explained that the houses belonged to Zaho, the boy. " These other ones are mine. They look like I spilled my lapustil paint, but they are deep, extra-post-cubist-avant-garde paintings with post-impressionist tendencies. I don't know if you understand me."

Eric nodded in approval. "Don't mind me, Mr. Duce... Mr. Prime Minister, I meant to say. I used to understand art, but my nerves have been broken since I was chasing Hamas saboteurs."

***

Although he had received some information in advance, the new ambassador's surreal impressions of the country were reinforced as the hours passed.

He learned that the painterly prime minister had two governments: One in government and the other in prison or exile. He was told that Barjam's predecessor (the smell of roasted lamb still lingered in his nostrils) was in prison. That poor man was also given away for lamb, but recently, before he was arrested, he had begun to take over the mountains.

Then they told him that in addition to the first two, the country had a third government, led by Bella Ballukja, and as soon as he heard her name, Gjati's tongue would drop to his throat in embarrassment.

Well, he said to himself, it's a country in transition, these are growth problems, they'll pass once they join the European Union.

But then they announced that the country has a fourth government; those who bring in the snow-white money from abroad, all the way to Latin America, are joining those who steal the money from within and building, just building...

Eric began to scratch his head in thought. Oh, he said to himself, did I meet the wrong people? One was eating his fill in the presidency, the other was getting dirty in the prime ministership... Where did you get me, black Trump, with these tar and paint, are you going to make Ivanka a resort?

***

The ambassador decided. He needed accurate, honest and reliable information about the country. He asked to meet with the head of the Secret Service. But they told him that she was a woman, and that she was under house arrest because she was dating a guy who until recently was the head of the fifth government in the country: This guy didn't have any position, but he had every position: He appointed police chiefs, directors and ministers, decided on tenders, coordinated Latin money with Albanian money and filmed everyone and everything when he had meetings in his office. Oh, yes: He also brought him bottles of expensive Gjati wine, while Barjam was content with just Pepsi.

Then he was completely confused. He called his assistant and tactfully asked him: "Did you open those suitcases of mine, put the things in their places?" Yes, you did, the assistant told him.

"Then gather them again because we're leaving. I'd rather dress up as a soldier again and go fight the Houthis in Yemen than stay here another day. Come on, play your hand..."

Note: Patronazhisti is a satirical pro-diplomatic column. Erik is still in Tirana, stay calm.


Në përputhje me standarded JTI

Video

SHIKO KANALIN NE YOUTUBE
×