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LATEST/ All of Albania under arrest, the country is full of bitten pears!

2026-09-22 17:17:40Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
LATEST/ All of Albania under arrest, the country is full of bitten pears!
Moment from the pear-eating epidemic after the prime minister's departure

TIRANA/DETROIT – News agencies are reporting that as we speak, Albania is being arrested. After the head of the Natural Intelligence Service and the former director of the Artificial Police were placed under house arrest, it is learned that the process of handcuffing a number of police chiefs, administration directors, ministers, etc. has continued.

Sources from the scene indicate that the police officers who previously arrested the aforementioned were subsequently arrested, while special prosecutors arrested the regular prosecutors, only to be arrested a little later by their extra-special colleagues.

This wave of arrests comes amid a previous wave of handcuffing, where careless protesters, tender businessmen, one-handed cyclists and family heads who were two days late paying for water shortages had regularly ended up in jail throughout the summer, along with irresponsible tourists caught swimming beyond the cork line – hindering innocent jet ski drivers, free-for-hire killers and cynical grandparents who told their grandchildren when they fell, “Good for you, for being careful!”

In total, the news agencies explain, 99% of Albanians end up under house arrest, office arrest, prison arrest, or are required to report somewhere. "Even for those 1% who are still roaming around, the noose is tightening and sooner or later, the criminals will have nowhere to turn," the agencies specify.           

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The same agencies have described a dramatic panorama of the country of eagles, after the latest wave of arrests. Offices, lobbies, corridors, conference rooms, even parking lots and courtyards of public administration buildings were filled with fruit waste and seeds, mainly pears from those with their tails on the back, so much so that you can't move without stepping on them.

"Half-bitten pears, once-forbidden apples, as well as many grapes and plums scattered everywhere, this is the panorama of what is left of the central and local administration, as well as the offices of the main institutions in the country," reported the renowned Rrojtore agency.

This massive and frenetic consumption of fruit, surprisingly, has not helped domestic agriculture at all, whose products are not being sold due to import competition.

"And it is precisely these farmers who, in protest, have poured their produce onto the streets, contributing even more to filling the Albanian territory with eaten, trampled, rotten fruit. If once the land of eagles smelled of hashish, today it smells of fermented fruit. However, the intoxicating effect is the same ," Rrojtorja observed.

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It is learned that the pear-chewing epidemic reached its peak in recent days, after the head of government left for the United States of America. The moment the prime minister turned his back, all the ministers, directors, and police chiefs began to chat nonstop to make the most of the time.

The unfortunate case of two ministers who choked on food is well known, because the prime minister turned his head at the last moment before boarding the plane to greet them. The Minister of Health and the Minister of the Interior were left with a lump in their throats, and were replaced by two successors who were renowned for their impeccable taste.

PS The latest reports say that the prime minister has no intention of returning. In fact, at a meeting with Albanian immigrants in America, he asked them for their vote to become prime minister of the state of Michigan. “You are the majority here,” he told the patriots, “even the name of the state sounds Albanian, as if Miçua and Ganiu had come together in religious harmony. Shouldn’t we make a new Albania from scratch? Here, I say let’s start from these building facades…” When he raised his head, the hall was empty.

Note: Patronageist is a fruity satirical column    


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