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RECORD/ Old man prepares to cross the Atlantic alone, the nation is moved

2026-09-03 18:29:59Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
RECORD/ Old man prepares to cross the Atlantic alone, the nation is moved
81-year-old man, now a professional swimmer

TIRANA – Albania, the last secret of Europe? The penultimate mystery of the Balkans? The secret Maldives of Southeast Europe? Forget these washed-up and outdated headlines of foreign media. These days, all the attention of the world press is focused on the epic venture of an 81-year-old Albanian man, who has decided to cross the Atlantic Ocean alone, to participate in a large assembly, there in distant Texas.

"There was no one left who did not challenge the proud and fearless old man: You cannot cross the ocean; no, try and hold it; stay, uncle, roast chestnuts on the hearth, because you are not for these jobs... but they did not know who they were dealing with. And here, today, the 81-year-old from the small and distant country, Armenia, is preparing the last steps to start the unheard-of odyssey. Let Ernest Hemingway turn in his grave with his scribble "The Old Man and the Sea". Now the epic "The Old Man and the Ocean" is being written," a report in the well-known newspaper "Rilindja e Dallasit" recently wrote.

***

And indeed, epic journeys are not unknown to the old Albanian. From his early youth, he set off on foot from his village in the Bjeshkët e Namuna towards Tirana, with only one dream in his drawer: To become a hekim. (The haters say that, being unyielding, instead of taking only the dream, he arrived in the capital despite the drawer).

The act did not go unnoticed in the press of the time.

"Here we meet the young man who will become an 81-year-old man after many years. He has now entered medical school with the entire drawer he brought with him from the village. Such people, with their drawers full, are needed by the party, " the newspaper "Piskama e Popullit" wrote at the time.

Bold gestures, unusual acts and records were not random episodes for the old man. It is said that he once kept his right hand unwashed for a month, because he had met the great leader of the party and the people. Even when he washed it – after the slime had gone where it could no longer hold – it dripped into his heart. Another time, this time as a professor of medicine, he managed to cut off the cowboy pants of 25 degenerate students with scissors within two hours, thus breaking the record of another respected doctor, Tritol Shehu, whose hands went numb to the 22nd student.

Meanwhile, his magical performance a few years ago, inspired by Comrade Mao Zedong's heroic act of swimming across the Yangtze River, will remain in history. Under the scrupulous and skeptical gaze of the media, the old man managed to float on the water for a solid 153 minutes, leaving the crowds that were circling beneath his feet speechless, unable to believe the scales.

***

Of course, it is impossible within such a modest report to list all the records of the 81-year-old man. But it has not been easy for him.

The ocean traveler has experienced many difficulties and limitations to get to this happy watery day. Once they surrounded him inside the presidency and were demanding the money that he had stolen from the people. Another time they surrounded him in the prime minister's office. It was only his excellent shooting skills that allowed him to eliminate four bandits, break through the siege, and retreat without loss. 

Even more difficult was the isolation inside the house in recent years. A despicable period, when he could not even cross the river to go to the party headquarters, let alone think about seas and oceans. But he did not lose hope. In order not to forget his aquatic instinct, during the day he trained by crossing a basin of water, while in the evening he would go out of the window and shout at passers-by not to make noise. Over time, passers-by became curious about the screaming old man, began to stop to listen to him and gradually, became attached to him.

***

Thus it happened that the fame of the old man with a gruff voice reached Texas in the United States of America. The wise men of that country, gathered in a council of brilliant individuals called Republicans, decided that the 81-year-old deserved another chance.

“I tell them to invite him, bring him and listen to him. Or just pretend to listen to him, that he’s an old black man and he’s having fun,” one of them said in a Texas dialect, which more or less resembles Kurvelesh’s Labyrinth. And they agreed, on the condition that the old man only pay the 6 million dollar ticket. They would cover his lodging and food. 

Note: Patronageist is an oceanic satirical column


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