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2026-10-12 17:09:29Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
The tall man gathered his fists against the threats of MP Ermion Bahçe

TIRANA –  An event that exceeds the limits of party democracy and enters the minefield of anarchy - almost on the verge of collapse - was that of Thursday, when 81 socialist deputies led by party veteran Ermion Bahçe, forced the long-time leader of the Socialist Party, at the same time an even longer prime minister, to vote on the new territorial reform.

As has been known from time to time, the Tall One had many reservations about the new administrative division, and had bluntly told the stubborn deputies:

"What do we want, these new municipal organizations? Do you think it's just to win the next elections? Aren't you fed up with power, as if you have ten lives? What are you going to do with all that money, or are you going to take it with you! Think for a moment about the people! Let the others win sometimes!"

On other occasions, I Gjati had expressed regret over the merger of small municipalities with larger ones, and had even tried to touch the hard-hearted MPs by switching to an affectionate intonation similar to Bella Ballukja, while showing the map:

"Look at Belshi, how tiny, how cute! Where will he take you, my dear, where? What a pity..."

But no one broke the silence, even MP Bahçja raised his voice in a low voice:

"We made you prime minister, to be the first among equals, but the majority makes the law. Enough now, you're not even funny, you big man! Ptuuu!"

***

In occasional public statements, Gjati had nevertheless emphasized his determination to go all the way with his No to the new division, despite pressure on him from MP Voluntary Kina, a shopkeeper by profession.

There were even wiretaps where the Volunteer from Selenica asked Të Gjati for his vote, otherwise every time his wife came to the store to shop, he would only give her expired pasta and rice with a changed date, and cheap dairy products with only 5 percent sugar. But Të Gjati resisted:

"I know that I'll eat grass, but I won't trample vegetables," he interrupted, and tried to explain it technically:

"Because, look, let's take the new competencies of municipalities. If these competencies are not accompanied by the corresponding budget, then how will the thing work? Because we are preparing to enter the EU, but the EU is not a mechanical union, but a union of values, principles, vegetables...".

The volunteer's chin trembled with anger:

"Don't beat my head with these things, whether I vote for him or not! Otherwise, it's better to say that you've met me! I don't know any other way!"

***  

The calculations had been made, and it was known that Të Gjati's vote was key to passing the reform. Shortly before the start of the Assembly session, several witnesses had seen him fondly caressing the map of Albania and speaking to the small municipalities:

"Ah, my famous Këlcyra, they want to ruin you/ but I won't let them scratch you, nooo! What about you, Patos/ who makes yogurt in addition to oil? My Divjaka, coast by coast/ made Bahçja your fief!..."

The rhymes came from his soul and he would have lost control if Bella Ballukja hadn't pulled him in with her charms:

"Come on now, you peacock, it's not fitting! Why did I make you prime minister, for you to let yourself go like this?"

He summed himself up in a way. Someone said that Bella gave him a double dose of the drug to get his stomach in shape, like the drivers of the past when their stomachs were full. He even had the courage to go to the media and say: " This is the most difficult moment of my 30 years of politics. After this, I will either stay in the Socialist Party, or I will leave! Maybe I will stay. Who knows. I may even leave..."

***

Thursday was over and Friday was coming, when the media reported that the new territorial division had been approved with 85 votes. That Machiavelli, Ermion Bahçja, along with Vollnetar China and the other bandits had borrowed three more votes from their neighbor, Thomas the Medicine Man. They told him, “Give us only for tonight because some people have come,” and that bastard gave them.

But the real shock was that the Tall One had voted in favor. They asked him for clarification and he mumbled, "I'll explain it to you tomorrow." The next day passed and he was nothing. And the day after that. He was locked inside the office. The family was worried, but Bella wouldn't let them see him. "Give him some time," she would tell them, " he'll be fine. Here, leave this soup at the reception and I'll give it to him."

Once upon a time, the Tall One appeared on television. He spoke bluntly and clearly:

"I am against, but I voted for, because I do not want to leave the Socialist Party. I will improve it from within, fighting the dictatorial tendencies of Ermion Bahce and his cronies. Long live the socialists, Selenica to the Selenicars, death to the traitors!"

Note: The Patronageist is a less satirical column than some SP deputies. But we try, we try…        


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