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COMMENT / Italian Longinnoti writes from Dubai: This is why I came to donate panties in Tirana

2023-04-14 17:06:12Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
COMMENT / Italian Longinnoti writes from Dubai: This is why I came to donate
The Italian super-investor talking in Dubai with the super-journalist of Sychka

Unë quhem Longinotti, Gabriele Tarroni Longinotti. Mbiemri im në gjuhën tuaj të bukur do të thotë pak a shumë, ‘netë të gjata’. Që domethënë mezi shtyhen. Prandaj kam ardhur në Shqipëri dhe prandaj bredh edhe nëpër botë, sepse Italia ime është e mërzitshme. Mbiemri i mesëm mund t’ju kujtojë ato ëmbëlsirat, toronat, apo torroncino-t siç u themi ne. Se jam tip i ëmbël, ç’është e vërteta. U ngjis shumë të tjerëve, sidomos atyre me para. Sa për emrin, Gabriele mund t’ju kujtojë Gavrilin, për shembull atë poetin tuaj të famshëm arbëresh Gavril Dara. Në daçi të riun, por edhe në vjetrin.  

A jam unë arbëresh? Po deshët ju, edhe bëhem. Mjafton të më paguani për mundimin. Por këtë e bisediammo më vonë.

Tani, këtë sqarim po e bëj për opinionin publik, por edhe atë privat, që ka dëgjuar se mua në arrestuan në Rinas si italian mashtrues, më mbajtën ca muaj brenda dhe pastaj më liruan se akuza për mashtrim me 1 milion euro ndaj ortakut tim gjithashtu italian nuk kishte lidhje me Shqipërinë. Pra, në vendin e bukur të shqiponjave nuk kam kryer asnjë krim, thotë gjykata. Por unë shtoj se asgjëkund nuk kam kryer krim. Madje kam themeluar edhe një biznes me zoti parolacce. Në fillim më erdhi për të qeshur se në italisht parolacce domethënë fjalë të pista. Po pastaj e kuptova se miku quhej Paro Laçi.

Që ta dini, zotërinj, paratë vijnë tek unë, nuk shkoj unë te paratë.     

Sigurisht, ka një marifet të vogël. Unë kudo ku prezantohem i shtoj emrit tim një Dott. përpara, pra Doktor, dhe fap, dyert hapen si me magji. Por vetëm kaq. Edhe gjykatësit shqiptar thjesht i thashë se unë quhem Doktor Natëgjati dhe ai më liroi.

Even when I came to Albania, I came to help, I brought panties for the families damaged by the earthquake. They didn't want them, big deal. As they were, I took the panty packages to the prestigious Syçka dot net media, and they thanked me. But they had a condition. They would take my panties, if only I told you the truth about Lali, the mayor of Tirana. And I agreed, because the truth sets you free. The word comes, I am now free - except that Albania has given me expulsion, that is, expulsion from the country. I am free here in Dubai, where a prestigious Sychka journalist came and interviewed me. I don't know if you know him, he is an independent, impartial, principled journalist, ruthless in investigations, who agreed to work for Syçka only after he was convinced that this media was founded with clean money earned from the sale of blueberries. It's called Blendian Kokrra.

I told him that Lali is mean, that he was indifferent to the offered panties, that Tirana deserves much more, etc. And I said all this unforced and unpaid, but completely free here in Dubai.

As you know, many good Albanians live freely here in Dubai, who, like me, do not like it there in Albania. I do not know why. But the damage is to Albania, because they have it on balance, work with the sweat of their brow and enjoy the fruits of their labor. I told this to Mr. Kokrra, and I even proposed that if he wanted, he could meet those Albanians, because I introduced him. I don't know why they broke out in a cold sweat when I told them this, that the temperature was 35 degrees. He didn't want to. Maybe he met them, I don't know.

Anyway. After the interview, I asked him to take his greetings to one of my colleagues in Tirana, he too. His name is Dottor Berisha, but he has nothing to do with the eye. He is a legendary character. I spoke to him once and told him that my name is dottor Natëgjati, and that if he wanted, I would become an arberesh. He laughed and told me he had a long history of foreign friends with strange names. For example, he once brought to Tirana an American congressman who was ready to crush the camouflaged Albanian communists during an election campaign. Of course, against payment, that denouncing communists costs. The American congressman was called James Trafikant, and throughout the campaign meetings, Berisha introduced him: Now even Mr. Trafikant will say two words to you! I don't know why he lost those dottore elections, but Trafikanti did his job. I learned that as soon as he returned to America, he was expelled from Congress and convicted of trafficking, but I believe it was a mistake. They started from the name. It's like condemning me, Night Long, for the darkness.

Ultimately, Lali is mean. I also told Mr. Kokrra; write it there, I told him, because the wind takes away the talk. After the interview I offered him a massage from some Albanian girls; that here in Dubai there are several such. They are good girls, hosts, sitting down all the time, they are so busy with work. I don't know, said Mr. Kokrra, that maybe clean, independent media with courageous and honest journalists do not accept these things. But do you know: Lali is mean. Yours truly, Gavril Torona Natëgjati, is telling you.      

Note: Patronageist is a satirical column without the dot title. forward


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