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EX-TIGER IS FOUND / He promises the Eskimos of Canada to rebuild their ice houses!

2023-07-13 23:52:18Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
EX-TIGER IS FOUND / He promises the Eskimos of Canada to rebuild their ice
Ex-Tiger refusing to respond to Eskimo media

IQALUIT – In the capital of Iqaluit of Canada's autonomous Eskimo territory, Nunavut, a wind of change is blowing. It is a fact that climate change is putting more and more pressure on the traditional way of life of the Eskimos. As the Patronage learns, their houses of ice blocks, igloos, are becoming increasingly fragile due to rising temperatures, causing shelter problems as well.

But in recent days a mysterious character has appeared among the Eskimos. Through the 'golden passport' scheme, the character has gained residency in Nunavut, and not only that. There are rumors that he was also given the status of a strategic investor, since he had started this documentation process some time ago.  

The smell of change is here: The mysterious figure has offered the locals a vast reconstruction program with the aim of erecting a large block of new ice igloos for the Eskimos in need.

"Each family with damaged houses will be sheltered in new igloos built with special ice, in a suburban area we will call Rolling Kills, " announced the mysterious character. "In the beginning, an independent commission headed by Klodi will classify the damages suffered in the apartment, if they are of category D2 or D1, that is, if the houses will be completely melted or simply repaired."

The rebuilding program has been well received by the Eskimos. They have agreed to the conditions, that they pay the installments of the new houses with seal skins or jars of whale blubber. If the program is successful, the mystery character is supposed to be rewarded with a permit to dig for diamonds in a small mine near the capital Iqaluit, as well as a rural operator's telephone license to help Nunavut residents communicate. 

***

But as they say, the good is out of luck. Trouble has begun for the mysterious character, as Iqaluit's local newspaper, which is printed on salmon skin, has published an investigation. The writing speculates that the mysterious benefactor came from a small Balkan country where even fleas die from the heat these days. So hot, that the mysterious crossed the border in shorts.

Not only that, but he once held one of the highest government posts in his country, that of Tigri, but was kicked out for unclear reasons. Asked by the newspaper why he left the Balkans, the former Tigri answered precisely that the best are unlucky.

But that's not all. The biggest trouble happened to the ex-Tiger yesterday at lunch, when his trusted secretary was found hidden in the stove pipe, full of 100 sealskins and 50 kilos of undeclared whale blubber. Investigations continue...

Note: Patronageist is a satirical column against global warming


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