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JUST IN / The government is reformed, Taullau is appointed Minister of the Interior

2024-12-20 17:30:16Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
JUST IN / The government is reformed, Taullau is appointed Minister of the
Taullau taking on the new task

TIRANA – The Patronageist has learned that shortly before leaving for a class excursion in Kosovo, the Albanian Prime Minister carried out a silent reshuffle of the government, tactfully ordering the ministers to keep quiet. Otherwise, he will take their souls and order SPAK to seize their phones.

Thus, sources indicate that Deputy Prime Minister Bella Ballukja will continue to perform the duties of the official government witch, but her portfolio of practical work will be narrowed to Minister of Adding Millions of Euros per Kilometer of Road and Payment of Ship-Generators for Zero Work Completed.

The sectors that the Minister of Economy, Culture and Innovation, Blendi Burbuqja, will cover will also undergo slight changes. In addition to these areas, he will also be responsible for finance, defense, order, justice, tourism, foreign affairs, relations with third parties, relations with the second, and the new Puppet Theater.

But among these old innovations, the newest innovation is the appointment of former Minister for Diaspora, Taullau Bau, as Minister for the Diaspora.

"I gave you this delicate task because we are about to have elections, " Gjati told Taullau in confidence, " because European leaders asked me in Brussels: Hey, how could you have left Parashkevina like that? This is how you will get your fourth mandate?"

"No worries, Mr. Prime Minister, " said Taullau, who a few seconds later was spotted gesturing to his colleagues, "who is Parashqevia?"   

***

The Parashqevi sector is a relatively new field in the Albanian economy, more or less like technology and Artificial Intelligence. One could even call it a start-up. This sector underwent a surprising development in the last two weeks, when a famous Albanian singer of the 80s, who disappeared from the national scene and emigrated to America 30 or so years ago, was spotted at a train station in New York in a dramatic state. News, photos, videos about Parashqevi exploded the network, helped by a businessman, they say, Albanian in America named Elton, whose activity fits perfectly into the favorite headlines of the Mero newspaper, which begin with 'filania nuk i lla iz imagina'.

But the avalanche of revenue generated by the media industry that rose above Parashqevë doesn't end here. In fact, this was just the beginning.

Social categories previously unknown to science began to appear in the media, such as parasqueviologists, parasqueviophiles, parasqueviophobes, and parasqueviophagous. These, known and unknown, tirelessly recounted all the episodes and details of their former lives, which in one way or another included Parasquevia.

One modestly told how he had helped Parashqevië to be accepted into the Song Festival, otherwise the poor woman would continue to make carpets in Kavajë. A former fellow traveler on the train recounted the horrors of communism, how a man had approached 20-year-old Parashqevië like a gnome - with no connection to Minister Burbuqja - to have a conversation with suspicious colors, while no one approached the witness herself, two meters away.

Another owl, a former friend who, according to contemporaries, had been releasing pigeons since before 1990, stated how Parashqevia had secret connections all the way to the Politburo, with comrades Prokop and Foto. The owl's brother, also a fellow pigeon, emphasized that he did not want to throw mud at Parashqevia who traveled with men on errands, whose wives would catch him on deserted streets and threaten him.

In the spectrum of stories that ranged from "Super-diva Parashqevia" to " What's this about, did you have five congas for Enver, what's the matter?", there was also a long and elaborate reaction from an anti-communist activist with a parent who had fallen from grace, who eloquently declared that she did not know the person in question at all. But that she had found some of her nostalgic statuses about communism.

***

The phenomenon could not fail to attract the attention of the government. Gjati decided that political engagement with the diaspora was a waste. According to rigorous surveys organized by Zalo Foshnja, the vast majority of emigrants were declared para-extremophiles.

"So listen here," ordered Tall Taullau Baun, " if you settle Parashqevië, we have automatically won the vote of the diaspora. If you succeed, I will make you mayor of Përrenjas."

Taullau corrected him in a low voice, "Thank you very much, but I'm from Librazhdi, boss!"

But the Tall One cut him short: " Be wise, I took you to Cërrik!"

Note: Patronažisti is a satirical column attached to Nertila Koka


Në përputhje me standarded JTI

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