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OPERATION/ The Minister of Agriculture distributes chickens with salmonella in DP strongholds: Don't cook them too much or they'll lose their flavor!

2025-04-02 17:16:09Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
OPERATION/ The Minister of Agriculture distributes chickens with salmonella in
Rural Agriculture Minister explaining the values ​​of salmon

TIRANA – A blow below the belt can be called the gesture made by the Minister of Agriculture Adila Nenaj, as she launched the campaign for the parliamentary elections of May 11 in Albania. And it is below the belt in the first sense of the word, because as Patronazhisti learns, salmonella also causes diarrhea, among other things.

But let's take it one step at a time. Some random analyses by the National Food Authority - the authority; when it wants, the state uses sarcasm even in its names - revealed that dozens of tons of chicken fillets left over from when Brazil declared independence from the Mongols (in fact, the packages said so, Chicken of Freedom), entered Albania along with salmonella. Even though the director of the Authority shouted at the lab technicians, "what are these pointless analyses, let the business work" , the damage was done.

Thus, the authoritarian, who is also a candidate for MP, decided to delay the announcement of the analyses until some of the innocent salmonella that had come from the other side had been distributed to the consumer. At this point, the authoritarian consulted with the senior Minister of Agriculture and Rural Affairs, Adila.

"Oh my god, boss, there are ten tons of the best fillets, why would the German burn them?"

"You're right. Better a chicken today than an egg tomorrow. The chicken should go to those who need it most, " said the minister, " for example, to Rrugica e Salas, in Paskuqan, Kamëz, Kukës, Tropojë, Kavajë, Lazarat, etc."

*** 

So far so good. But the distribution had to be organized. The SP patronage supporters – and the Patronage Party knows this well as an insider – could not roam the neighborhoods with chicken fillets in their hands. After all, the political parties had just signed the Code of Ethics together with the CEC, which clearly stated that these elections would be held without fillets.

A socialist MP who also owns a supermarket chain volunteered to help. Luckily, the volunteer is running in the same district as Adila.

"Madam Minister, as the people say: The land belongs to the one who works it, the chicken belongs to the one who sells it! Give it to me so I can distribute the fillet to those in need, at a cheap and good price, " proposed the Volunteer.

Adila agreed: "Excellent! Just tell the vendors to order democratic customers – I meant, to eat – not to cook the desert too much or all the value will disappear!"

*** 

The operation went smoothly, even better than expected, because drug wholesalers also reported an increase in sales of anti-diarrhea pills.

But where did the word get out - probably from one of those unscrupulous lab technicians - that people were eating salmonella-contaminated chicken fillets, and the whole matter risked turning into a scandal.

But Adile Nenaj had taken precautions. As a former bank employee, she had knowledge of companies that did dirty work and then changed their names, re-registered, merged with others, mixed and dissolved until they disappeared.

"Why don't we do this work in the state?", thought Adila. And one thing was said and one thing was done. She went on television and solemnly declared:

"First of all, there is no scandal, because we have implemented the protocol, sir! Do you know what the protocol is? It's like an orange, but with a different shade. It says that whoever eats salmonella can apply to e-Albania any day of the week! Do you know what salmonella is? It's the female salmon.

Second, the AKU will be completely dissolved, and we will make a better one. We will merge it with the forest police, the Coast Guard and Geology-Mining to increase the efficiency of the government. And we will register the new directorate on the Kajmak Islands. There will be a directorate that, what can you eat!”

Note: The Patronageist is an unregistered satirical column.


Në përputhje me standarded JTI

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