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SUSPECTS/ Trump blackmails America with dirty videos, forces it to vote

2025-03-06 23:12:27Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
SUSPECTS/ Trump blackmails America with dirty videos, forces it to vote
Trump inviting Americans to vote for him, otherwise...

TOKYO/PARIS/DAKAR – Increasingly, the rest of the world believes that the scandalous president of the United States of America must be in possession of some extremely embarrassing information about his people, which forces poor Americans to keep him in power, even vote for him for a second time.

"Bahh, no way. Someone is blackmailing the American people with some dirty trick, so they're letting idiots run rampant," said billions of the world's inhabitants who were lucky enough not to be under the jurisdiction of a President who gets slathered in carrot juice every morning.

The mystery of how it is possible that a leader who is clearly corrupt, openly incapable of leading, declaratively incapable of exceeding the 100-word limit of his vocabulary and publicly devoid of the most minimal notions of tact and politeness, is voted in by Americans, can only be explained in this way, said the rest of the globe, from the Asian Middle East, to Europe and West Africa.

"Trump will probably have some video or photo of an affair in a Moscow hotel and threaten to expose it to the Americans. Or he caught them with falsified property declarations, real estate and construction land fraud. Or maybe the Americans cheated on school exams by taking someone else instead of them, and he discovered it. It is certain that the secret will be so dirty, so low, so scandalous, that those black people will shut up and vote for a specimen grain of meat. There is no other explanation," said the rest of the world, bewildered by what is happening.          

However, billions of non-Americans continued to speculate, what guarantee do Americans have that when his four-year term ends, Trump will not reveal his secrets to Americans and say: I screwed you?

But at this point, the rest of the world was filled with shudders.

"What if, through blackmail, he forces voters to increase his mandates until he's 100 years old? He has no problem, he tells Elon Musk to replace his organs, make him electric!"

At that moment, the world realized that it had spoken too much and shut up. What if Trump had some dirt on them in the archives?

"Don't mind us, brother, " said the repentant world, "this is how we drool when we drink a glass."   

Note: Patronažisti is a satirical column in fierce competition with the reality satire we have entered.   


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