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SHOWBIZ/ The 80-year-old influencer leaves nothing to the imagination!

2025-02-21 23:14:28Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
SHOWBIZ/ The 80-year-old influencer leaves nothing to the imagination!
80-year-old man setting fire to the network

TIRANA - Yesterday was the darkest day in terms of clicks for portal headlines that start with "star rages the internet" and end with " beauty leaves no room for imagination . "

The most voiceless singers of the moment were tired in vain, exposing their lower limbs from the Maldives; models without agencies were tricked into posting photos of themselves from the terraces of Dubai; all the clicks were collected by an 80-year-old man who decided to do the undone.

He didn't just take out the blanket he wore on his head as a child, when he grazed goats in the highlands while watching them not eat his books; nor did he go out on the beach in a bathing suit; nor did he break any water record by floating for 65 minutes straight.

No, the 80-year-old nicknamed The Doctor, defying all the rules of this conservative and moldy society, put on a cowboy hat - that some friends from America bought for $15 and sent to him - and took photos, which he posted on the airwaves and set the internet on fire.

*** 

The doctor is preparing to come to power and, of course, no one takes you seriously without a hat. He remembers it like now, that in order to become a member of the Labor Party on November 8, 1969 - the party's birthday - he had to wear a cap that looked like a proletarian for a few days, and walk around the hospital with a hammer and sickle in his hand.

But this time the Doctor has to identify with Donald, and that requires great effort. Because, hell, it was Donald in the first presidency who started the non-grata declaration procedures, even though the Biden administration made the declaration.

Therefore, the Doctor gathered a close council, including Belo Këllëfi, and gave them the task of listing all the details and elements of the public image in which he should imitate Donald.

"We need to influence the voter, because we are the chosen ones of the new America, the America of democracy, the America of freedom. In short, we need to become influencers," demanded the Doctor.

***

Of course, the cowboy hat was just one of the elements of the campaign. Now the Doctor is taking a crash course in learning rock moves that he will demonstrate at Democratic Party rallies. Another suggestion is that he eat hamburgers in public, to look like the Donald.

With characteristic intelligence, Nul Moka has suggested that the Doctor meet with the Russian ambassador in Tirana, and even engage him in the campaign, to unite geopolitically with Donald. Along the same lines, the erection of a high metal fence around SHQUP is being considered, to prevent the clandestine immigrants of Luli from entering, who did not show the courage to flee when they had the opportunity.

*** 

But two recent suggestions, which would make a Donald of Vicidolit a jerk, have given the Doctor pause.

Belo Këllëfi whispered to the others separately that, despite being called a scandal by the American public, one of the secrets of the extremist conservative Donald's political success was that he would put his hands up women's bottoms wherever he encountered them: In the neighborhood, at work, at school events, at Front meetings, etc.

“I did a little survey and I believe the women of the party agree,” Belo told him in confidence, “and they can't wait. Think about it, Doctor .” The Doctor was taken aback.

A little later, Nuli came to his office. He walked to the window, moved the curtain, turned back, filled a glass of water, turned on the TV, turned it off again...

"Hey, Nul, talk," the Doctor said and threw his cowboy hat on the table, "What are the needles going to hear?"

"Yes, Doctor," Nuli said hesitantly, " I know it's difficult. But as a collective, we have found a Slovenian model, just like Donald. If you take her as a wife for the campaign, we have won the elections!"

Note: Patronažisti is a satirical column that leaves room for the imagination and does not set the internet on fire.


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