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CAMPAIGN/ Here's the intellectual process that pushed Nuli to use his middle finger and other events...

2025-03-24 17:48:14Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
CAMPAIGN/ Here's the intellectual process that pushed Nuli to use his
Nul Moka performing a profound philosophical gesture, the result of unbridled erudition

TIRANA and SURROUNDINGS – He wanted to start with Hegel, but hesitated. The speech he would deliver at the last session of Parliament had to be riveting, but also understandable, and the mediocre audience was barely aware of German idealist philosophy in the 19th century.

On the other hand, the critical philosophy and enlightenment of Immanuel Kant could indeed resonate with some Democratic MPs who in their youth had engaged in car theft in Düsseldorf, but the effect would still be limited.

Nul Moka paused, then moved on to the giants of ancient Greek philosophy. Indeed, from Plato's Republic to Socrates' Dialogues, he could find plenty of arguments to use in his anti-dictatorial and denunciatory speech. This would also please the party's ally, the minority Vandul Gjeli. But he feared that they would accuse him of localism and exploitation of the podium for narrow interests. He gave up.

He sighed and said to himself, " This is what happens when you read a pile of books and have nowhere to use them." As if he had been summoned. He went to the pile. He took a book with him, and after ten minutes he came out of there, along with the book with a few missing pages.

He clenched his tired fingers, having held the copy pen in his hand for two hours without putting a single letter on the paper. And then, when he least expected it, an idea struck him.

"Fingers, " he said to himself, " come on, Nul, come on. You're a doctor too. How come you didn't think of it before, you tar?"

And he decided right there. In his speech in parliament, he would say almost no… words. He, after all, was known for his laconicism and use of deep and elaborate symbolism. He would raise his middle finger several times, wave it in a semi-elliptical shape, pointing to the ministers, then to the hall, then to the cameras, then to himself, and utter the monumental phrase: You will receive this on May 11!

Thus it happened that the democratic deputy Nul Moka, with the title of Vrana Count of the distinguished leader, performed the legendary gesture in the Assembly Hall, in the second week of the first spring of the year Hijra 1446. 

* * *

But Nuli is not alone in this electoral campaign full of new innovations that - in contrast to old innovations - are breaking the rigid rules of past campaigns and enlivening the parliamentary election race.

What has ignited the imagination of even ordinary mortals is the video duel between The Tall One and The Little One, which is taking place in the most diverse environments.

At first, the clash started off seriously. Luli, fresh from his beauty sleep, started filming himself with some supporters and provoking Të Gjati, asking him in the Tiron dialect where his friends were: " Hey Rame, have your friends gone to prison, huh?"

But he held the phone so close that the supporters were nowhere to be seen; not even Luli herself; only a pair of teeth talking and tonsils in the background were visible. In the other videos, the supporters distanced themselves. It is not known whether this was in protest of not appearing at all, or because Luli's forced recruitment was slandering them.

The Tall One responded with individual videos; at the office, or in the car, with his deep baritone voice inviting his opponent to new, multifaceted adventures. There was a question as to why he chose Luli as his electoral rival, when the derezi doesn't even have a party. He even used a friend's nephew for the thing he founded. But it seems he was tempted by the challenge.

And he wasn't wrong. Because Luli started filming videos from the kitchen of the house, the bedroom, and even in his pajamas. He didn't use his middle finger like Nuli – because he hasn't read that many books – but the provocation remained serious. Now the international media are curious how Gjati will respond. Because they know that he once made jokes.

* * *

Comrade Fahri's son also had an original idea. To illustrate the poor table where the Tall Albanians have been reduced to, he filmed in black and white the table that his father usually eats at the restaurant: organic peeled cucumbers and tomatoes, napa cheese, pilaf, tasqebap, a casserole of dheri and a bottle of raki.

Then he showed the table full of material goods that voters will have after May 11: The same assortments, only this time in color!

The patronage learns that when he saw the promotional video, his friend Fahri said to himself: "I'd rather have made a blanket, I would have been warm all winter ." But he restrained himself and only said to his son: " It turned out well, dad, thank you for not filming me too."

Former Luli deputy, MP Enkelejd Alibaba, also entered the race, and went even deeper. He made a video clip with his daughters in the car right in front of the SPAK offices. The message to corrupt politicians was, "even if you escape the special prosecution, I will not escape either!"

And to show that he's serious, Alibaba included his daughters, his mother, and four servants in his party's safe list.

But the strongest message is the one that is preparing to come out soon. The patronage has information that politicians Selman Janiçeri and Jaran Sula have just finished filming a clip denouncing the Doctor, both in a bathtub singing the anthem "S'paske pas nji penko mëshire".   

Note: Patronazhisti is a satirical column that this time did not provide satire, but only a cold summary of the week's events.


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