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SUMMIT/ Brussels: Come and get money in bags. Rama: Here, let's do the bag tender! 

2024-02-29 17:29:49Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
SUMMIT/ Brussels: Come and get money in bags. Rama: Here, let's do the bag
Commissioner Varhelyi listening to the importance of bags

TIRANA - What the Albanian government feared happened. At the Tirana summit, the European Union invited the countries of the Western Balkans to send someone to Brussels within the next ten years, to receive 30 billion euros that will be divided according to merit. Not only that, but another 6 billion must be received as soon as possible, within the next three years.

But with one condition, or rather two: To show real progress in the fight against corruption, and to present concrete, reliable and efficient projects for national economies.

All the prime ministers of the region's eyes lit up like machos when they heard about the money. Only Te Gjati seemed not to be impressed by the news, and even seemed to be offended. The Extension Commissioner, Oliver Varhelyi, noticed his friend's sadness and took him aside.

"Eddie, what do you have," he said, "we have finally secured money in sacks, Albania's part is pretty big. Why are you upset?"

The tall man replied: " Listen Vero, you have come to my house as a friend. You know that the home of the Albanian belongs to God and to friends, as I have said in every summit. You come here and put my money in my mouth? Why do I do this for money? This is an insult, man of the earth!"

But the Hungarian, who already knew Te Gjati well, told him: " Leave this nonsense, tell me how you are." It's stacks of money, I tell you, fill your bags and go back to investing!"

The Tall One sighed and suddenly opened his heart: " That's the problem, brother, we don't have bags!"

***

Immediately after this conversation, I Gjati gathered the government on Zoom and stated bluntly: Brussels is offering us billions, but we have nothing to take them with. We need to make a sack tender urgently!

Modalities were discussed next. How many bags was it about? If the factory that would make the bags was set up with a concession, after how many years would the property pass to the Albanian state? Would they be paper bags, or ecological ones, from those that bio-degrade, or ordinary nylon bags that would be buried in the Elbasan incinerator after use? What size would they be? Would the tender be done by direct procurement, or open with three or more offers? If one of the participants complained, would the tender be suspended and the trial follow all the steps, up to Strasbourg?

All this was well and truly beaten and the issue was heading towards the square, when the Minister of Tourism and Environment said: But why do we need sacks of dhanam? We take from those big buckets that the jam artisans have in Përmet, we fill them with money and then we give them back...

But because the Tall One saw it crookedly, she didn't extend it anymore.

*** 

Well, said I Gjati, let's assume that this issue is resolved. The other is that we have to present serious projects, because they don't give us money for beautiful eyes. Along with the euros will come controllers, financiers, observers...

At this point, everyone jumped at him: " Why, our money will control them?" Do not accept Mr. Prime Minister, this is a violation of sovereignty!"

"I think so too," said the chief, "these capitalists want us to extend our hand to them. But we also eat bananas, but we don't trample on vegetables. We will do everything ourselves, as we are doing the port of Durrës, the Thumane-Kashar highway, the Port of Korça, the Libohova lake, the yacht marina in Librazhd, the orange groves in Korab and others."

Zoom roared with applause. When the ovation stopped, I Gjati put the dots on the y: " So, I want the bag tender to start urgently within the next five years," and winked at the ministers. They laughed and the formality of the meeting dissolved like salt in water. "You are great for God," they said to the boss, who as a reward spoiled them with the affectionate order: " Now spread out, you bitch..."

Note: Patronageist is a satirical column that has no shortage of jokes, but nothing to fill them with.


Në përputhje me standarded JTI

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