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CHIEF BANKER / The economy is excellent, says Governor Sejko, here, see the sheet here...

2024-01-31 18:51:27Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
CHIEF BANKER / The economy is excellent, says Governor Sejko, here, see the
Governor Bejko Sejko with a television above his head to show that the press conference is serious

TIRANA - For the umpteenth time in the last five years, the governor of the Bank of Albania, Bejko Sejko, declared with a smile on his face that the Albanian economy is excellent.

Presenting the bank's latest report on the progress of the Albanian economy and finances, Sejko stopped only at the paragraph that said that the economy had recorded an increase of 3.3 percent last year.

"Look, it says here," declared Sejko, pointing to the report sheet with a pen, " increase of 3.3 percent" . In the following, the chief Albanian banker emphasized that the promoters of development this year were also the construction of giant towers, infrastructure works with public tenders that went to a total of 4-5 companies, tourism which was measurable only by how many people with foreign passports entered country, as well as the seasonal export of tangerines.

"Looking at the data, I think we are good," added Sejko, putting on his numbered glasses to look even more expert than he is, "this is what certain paragraphs of international institutions such as IMF, WB, EBRD, etc. say" .

*** 

The governor also explained to journalists from Qurrash that the ratio of the increase in the total income of economic and physical entities with the number of residents in Albania shows that the Gross Domestic Product has also increased quite a bit.

"Here", Sejko showed the sheet again, "can you read this line? He has grown up a lot. Did you see it?” Despite the fact that incomes for one hundred individuals in the country have increased by a million times and for the rest have been halved, this is in relation to the inflation that has reduced the purchasing power of consumers, Bejko Sejko declared that the total is in order. Giving a live demonstration to reporters with a calculator, the chief banker added, subtracted, multiplied and divided, and then showed them the mathematical conclusion: "Look, see how per capita incomes rise?"

In the following, Sejko proudly repeated some arguments of previous reports, how the Albanian economy and society have faced and are courageously facing several serious crises such as the 2019 earthquake, the Gjiknuri earthquake, the 2020 pandemic, the war in Ukraine, clashes in the Persian Gulf, friction in the Gulf of Lalzi, the crisis of the fish bars in the Gulf of Patoku, the turmoil in the DP Gulf and several other crises, and they still stand.

***

Asked by a mischievous reporter how the breakdown of GDP per capita would turn out if there were still at least one million people who fled in the last ten years in Albania, Governor Bejko Sejko answered by reading part of the report:

"Here, on page three, paragraph two, it says textually that if there were red aunts, we would call them uncles. That is, in the language of finance, it means who cares how many people have fled? We count those who are here. So even the good aunts are".

In the following, Sejko explained that even those who have fled have done well because the first job is to bring remittances to their family members, and the second, when they come to their homeland in need for vacations, or to settle accounts with each other about the dirt. that they have done in England and the Netherlands, are also counted as tourists.

In order not to tire those present, the governor did not mention whether any rough calculation was made of how much drug money is injected into the Albanian economy on average every year, he did not talk about the difficulties of getting a loan from the local banking system, nor about vampire lending institutions, for the downward curve of the euro in relation to the lek, the imminent risk of the failed pension scheme in Albania, etc.

"Don't scratch your head, we'll have time next time, we're here for two more mandates," declared the head of the Albanian central bank with a smile, and cutely waving a thin stick that high officials use to opened the envelopes, added: "Hey, does anyone have any other questions?"       

Note: Patronageist is an anti-economic satirical column


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