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'I don't have you, jan'! Why this sentence hurts children so much

2024-08-17 18:02:25Lifestyle SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
'I don't have you, jan'! Why this sentence hurts children so much
Lira Gjika, pediatrician

"I don't have you, brother" is one of the sentences that adults and especially mothers often say to children during their whims. And even if it seems like a sentence said in vain, it does a lot of damage. Lira Gjika explains it at length in one of her statuses.

" I don't have you, uncle," a mother was about to say to her son, who was three years old, and that wasn't enough, and the grandfather turned to him, "don't have him at all, he's a bad boy. No one should love this bad boy.” The child looked confused at both his mother and his grandfather, but the two adults were standing and nervous. and the little boy couldn't take it anymore and burst into tears. The little one was crying, but the adults did not waver from their stern and angry attitude. Once the mother took him by the arm, but she continued to behave in the same way, harsh and threatening, saying: -you did the same, neither did I, and no one will have a baby-. The little boy was trying to control his crying and sobbing to be the "good boy" that mommy and grandpa wanted him to be. Unfortunately, these expressions are common in parent-child or immature adult communication, when the child disobeys them or behaves "unworthy" according to adult standards. Every time I hear these expressions on the street or in bars and even in my office, I wonder if we adults have any idea how the child hears and understands these expressions. How does the child feel when he hears his mother telling him that "I will not have a grandfather". Does it occur to parents and grandparents, what the child can suffer when he hears the words from his mother's mouth, that "he doesn't have a son". The child knows only one thing very well, that he cannot live alone and without the security of his parents, especially his mother, he feels lost. Be careful, mother, when you use these expressions, which dry up the child's soul and not only do not allow compassion to become a way of knowing and communicating with others and the environment, but also nurture the feeling of being abandoned. Abandonment is not just a feeling, but a psychic structure that does not allow human emotional development. Scientists who study such phenomena draw attention to the fact that abandonment is not only a physical process, it has the main effect on the human psyche. This way of perceiving oneself is built in childhood. And it is these behaviors, such as mistreatment, violence, insults, labeling, comparison, abuse, that create those conditions, that destroy human emotional authenticity. Each person has a single thing, that only he has or authentic, with which he will discover and build his emotional sphere. A child who is threatened in this way by two adults is not educated, but only frightened and disintegrated in himself. This child will only submit and do what the adult asks. When he grows up, in most cases, he will either be submissive, or he will not even be able to obey himself. Mother, even though you may be tired or you are overwhelmed by impatience and annoyance, you must choose the words you direct to the child, moreover, the will to communicate with the child is also the best way to avoid both annoyance and impatience", writes Lira Gjika.


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