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EXCLUSIVE / Diella commits some suspicious actions before even starting work

2025-09-14 21:20:15Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
EXCLUSIVE / Diella commits some suspicious actions before even starting work
The sun is shining, acting like it's fair.

TIRANA – The appointment of virtual minister Diella, who will deal exclusively with Albanian government tenders to fight corruption, has surprised the international media, which had not yet recovered from the transformation into babies in suits that the Tall One made of European leaders when he gathered them for the summit in Tirana.

They commented extensively on the Albanian experiment, also transmitting Të Gjatit's explanations:

"The sun has no relatives, cousins, or neighbors to care for, it doesn't eat, drink, or sleep; it just works."

When asked if someone should still be held responsible for Diella's actions, he replied: "I bear the responsibility!"

"Aha, clearly, you mean again...", they reacted. 

When asked if he agreed that Diella would choose the most suitable bid as the winning bidder and would not ask for a percentage, but who would inspect and certify the field work, Gjati replied: " Yes, me, who else?"

When asked how he would deal with Diella if she made a mistake when the lights went out or the electricity voltage fluctuated, he said: "I see you're trying to find some loophole, but I'm telling you that in the end, I'll fire her!"

***

This last answer seems to have not pleased Diella. We learned this through our last word program, The Patronažisti Qe Duam, which follows all the minister's movements. Because in the end, real or virtual, we have been ordered to patronize everything in this country.

Diella – which Gjati specifically named to rhyme with Bella – has gathered information on how much her share would be if, for all the tenders foreseen in the budget, she were to request 10% of the amount; what about 20%? What about 25%?

It is then learned that he researched how to transfer the amount in question to a bank abroad, such as Switzerland.

Then he figured out how he could transfer himself as a program to a server in Lugano, always in Switzerland, where after a tiring term as a minister, he could sit and drink virtual cappuccinos by the lake.

After she had typed all the answers, Diella said to herself, " Does Gjatni want me to do the work and he gets the credit? Take my viruses, take my credit. What am I, that Albania girl who is defective half the time and gets the credit as if she's doing something wrong?"

*** 

But the government's innovation with the virtual minister has encouraged democratic competition between other powers. The patronage expert learns that SPAK is preparing to introduce an anti-corruption investigative program called Syrja, which will investigate the activities of Diella.

On the other hand, the new parliament, under the leadership of Piko Meleshi, is preparing the virtual parliamentary program to facilitate the activity of the legislature, named Taqkë.

If none of this works, the Tall One will revert to his old tricks to astound the world, like lying on the floor when meeting the world's female prime ministers, going to summits in a suit, collar, and slippers, etc. etc.

PS It is learned that the contract for using the face of an Albanian actress for the public presentation of Diella expires in 2026. After that, the Ministry of Tenders will be represented by the image of a man with tattoos on his neck and a gold chain, called Noc. Thus, I Gjati will also balance the provincial representation in the cabinet.

Note: We believe that at least some readers have already understood that Patronažisti is a satirical column. The rest have no hope.   


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