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NOW YES / Tropical storm fulfills Albania's advertisement as the Caribbean of the Balkans

2025-09-01 17:49:35Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
NOW YES / Tropical storm fulfills Albania's advertisement as the Caribbean
The tropical storm that revealed Europe's last secret, Tirana

TIRANA/DYRRAH/LESH – Not all good things come to an end. If in recent years, under the influence of foreign media, Albanians have wandered endlessly up and down Albania in search of the “Maldives of the Balkans”, the “Last Secret of the Mediterranean”, or the “Last Secret of Southeast Europe, as soon as you enter, turn right, ring the bell”, this has happened because they were unclear about what they were looking for.

Okay, the huge amount of bananas that have entered the country has given some indication that Albania is approaching the tropics, but still, this information was insufficient for Albanians to understand that they were living in a tropical paradise.

Even the local media, both traditional and online, have not been much help in this regard with their reporting. Narrow and without a horizon, they generally report only about pensioners who do not receive their salaries and who cry when the prime minister gives them a village chicken for the New Year; about mass departures from the country, about schools with ever younger staff and fewer and fewer students; about the tall towers of Tirana and other cities that are turning into villages, and villages that are turning into ghosts.

Even when they wrote about tourism, they focused on 7 hours of traffic jams to see a bit of sea, on the dirt and mud that covers tourist areas as you cross the coastline, on the owners of sun loungers who cut each other's throats... Some even criticized the government for counting as tourists Albanians with foreign passports who go to their homes. Provincial and evil journalists, in short.

Only when the prestigious foreign press – and is there anything more prestigious than the tabloids? – began to publish astonishing and magical headlines about Albania did some national television stations with a rural profile marvel. They began to report the reports, rubbing their eyes in amazement at how this secret Albania had escaped.

"Oh, we've fallen for the good, " TV Plani reported in a panic, " and the prestigious Mexican newspaper La Kukaraça writes that Albania has crystal clear waters, diamond sand, velvety coastlines, and silk-covered tents!"

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However, the stubborn skeptics were not convinced. It's not possible, they said, what in this tropical paradise? We can barely postpone the month...

Finally, it took the tropical storm of late August for all the Albanians left in the country to be convinced that the prestigious media were right. Here's what 68-year-old Llazi Pullazi said about the Patronageist:

"I had just paid the electricity bill and was on my way home when the sky suddenly turned black, a crazy wind blew my hat away, and instead of it a store sign came on my head. It was definitely a tropical storm like the ones we used to see on TV. Thank goodness we made it to this day."

The 27-year-old Ndrec Keci, a candidate to flee to Germany in October, declared: " There is no tropical paradise without tropical storms. Finally, another storm happened in mid-September, I did not flee my country. Albania is blessed, even though a tree fell on my motorcycle and broke it into pieces."

An interesting proposal was made by the pensioner patronage activist Kiço Kërma:

"I'll tell you, we patronageists are of the same profession: Just like in the civilized world, where all storms have a name, ours deserved one too. It was a serious storm, as befits our country. Look, he ripped off my deposit and the terrace and threw it on Lutfi's car, who is still with Berisha. I will raise it as an issue at the next meeting of the neighborhood SP, so that we can call it Storm Edi!"     

Note: The Patronageist is a post-tropical satirical column


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