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I found out I was pregnant the day I had an abortion. I am now focused on adopting a child to recover from the loss

2022-05-04 20:29:11Lifestyle SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX

I found out I was pregnant the day I had an abortion. I am now focused on

Rachel Kramer Bussel - Business Insider

In January 2021, I had a traumatic abortion. I spent six hours alone in an emergency room, where I learned that I was pregnant but that I had lost the baby. I then spent the next few months emotionally isolated. I continued the movements of my daily life and work, but for the most part, I was still mentally stuck on that fateful day.

Every time I got up from my desk, I thought about the blood flowing on my feet that morning. I cried occasionally and then worried about how worried my boyfriend was about me. I had a hard time finding joy in the things that once made me happy. The only hopeful moment I held was when I remembered my boyfriend's message from the hospital to tell him what had happened. He said immediately that we could consider adoption. This was the first time he was so open to that path to parenting.

We focused on adoption

I thought of adoption as an option, but I had continued to think with optimism that I would eventually get pregnant naturally. We had decided that my mid-40s, along with various health problems, was not the right time for in vitro fertilization or other fertility treatments. In April, I had started researching adoption agencies and presented him with the options.

We had many long, tearful conversations where the once abstract concept came true. He asked me questions such as, "I know you love babies, but what happens when that baby grows up and is a typical teenager who hears no words you say and says he hates you?" I could not honestly answer that I was eager to get to that stage. I didn’t want to think about those aspects of parenting, but for the sake of him and mine, I did. However, I came to the same conclusion: I want to be a mother, whatever that brings.

As we began our adoption application process, I did my best to focus on the future, not the past. With every form I filled out and the lessons I got online, with every list I printed with baby care items and every scenario that could happen, I felt more like an expectant mother, not a woman who had been kidnapped. opportunity, before she could imagine her belly growing.

I still bear the pain of my abortion

Dhimbja ime emocionale nga aborti nuk u largua brenda natës, ose fare. Unë ende mendoj për atë ditë dhe pyes veten nëse mund të kisha bërë diçka ndryshe nëse do ta dija. Por këto momente janë shumë më të rralla. Shumë më shpesh, po imagjinoj se si do të jetë shtëpia jonë kur nuk jemi vetëm ne të dy. Më ndihmon të përfytyroj saktësisht se ku do të vendoset krevati i tyre dhe si do të jenë mëngjeset tona kur unë ushqej fëmijën ndërsa partneri im përgatitet të niset për në punë.

We are still in what looks like the early stages of adoption, a process I have learned takes much more than nine months. Sometimes I get impatient, wondering when the part of my life I have wanted for the last 16 years will finally begin. However, most days I enjoy the time I spend with my partner, whether we are cooking dinner together or playing video games.

The adoption process has helped me not only to make peace with my abortion, but also to appreciate the relationship we have built in good times and bad. Even in difficult days, it is good to move forward, not behind.


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