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LATEST/ Trump blasts Nobel Committee after hesitation to award Peace Prize

2025-06-30 17:18:52Patronazhisti SHKRUAR NGA REDAKSIA VOX
LATEST/ Trump blasts Nobel Committee after hesitation to award Peace Prize
Trump after establishing peace in Norway

WASHINGTON/ STOCKHOLM/ OSLO – Determined to leave his mark on world history as the best president in the solar system, the giant boss of America, the eloquent, the far-sighted, the expert in all fields - as everyone knows, as everyone says, he would say himself - the super-economist, the extra-strategist and the idol of a globe that has been animalized with the same speed with which social media spread, Trump, declared yesterday that he had ordered the bombing of the offices of the Nobel Prize committee in Stockholm, Sweden, because these brazen people were a little too hesitant to award him the Nobel Peace Prize.

“This evil committee has offended us with its procrastination,” said Trump, who always speaks in the plural about himself, “ we didn’t know – nobody knew, in the whole world – how to deal with these leftist-socialist scoundrels who have drunk America’s blood: Put a 2,500% tariff on them? Annex the committee as America’s 51st state? Embroider some fancy presidential order banning them from entering our country? In the end, we decided on the most elegant solution: Wake them up from their Marxist slumber with a few nice bombs.”

And Trump repeated the phrase that a staff member, considered the most well-read in the White House, had just whispered to him: " Only when you've seen war do you understand the value of the price of peace!"

***

In a rare event for America, voters happily voted Trump into a second presidency. Apparently, they were impressed by his first presidency, when he instructed the people to fight Covid by drinking bleach and gargling with hydrochloric acid.

And the second time, Trump had decided: He would let the world kill itself, and he would only deal with the prosperity of America. So he did:

Within the first three weeks, he halved the wealth of all the billionaires who supported him with his intelligent economic moves, causing even Elon Musk himself to finally quit drugs and realize that he was becoming poor.

But before Elon could sober up, Trump had set about saving American taxpayers' money by laying off thousands of American taxpayers in various government agencies and institutions. The price of eggs skyrocketed, and for about three months, instead of cocaine, farm eggs with two red eggs began to be smuggled across the border with Mexico. Meanwhile, all the morning TV shows were advising housewives on how to raise chickens in their apartments.

Meanwhile, determined to have nothing to do with the world, he declared that he would annex Canada, take back the Panama Canal, steal Greenland, and fill the Gaza Strip with tourist resorts through strategic investors (it is still not clear where he borrowed this last idea).

***  

But Trump apparently had an old obsession with the Nobel Peace Prize. Rumor has it that he had been obsessed with winning the prize as a peacemaker since he entered a state of war with his wife, who, with the exception of official ceremonies, to this day insists on being at least 2,000 kilometers away from her husband at all times.     

And the opportunity came his way. His Jewish friend, Bibi, was running out of Palestinians, even though the poor guy was being careful, not killing them all at once, but 50-100 each day.

"Listen bro, I'm going to tell Iran that I definitely need a war, the Palestinians are finished with me," Bibi told Trump, " but I need some of those bombs of yours. Can you help me?"

“On one condition,” Trump told him, “ after we drop the bombs, I will declare a ceasefire and you will nominate me for the Nobel Peace Prize. Okay?”

"Papapa, you're an incredible businessman, it's hard to negotiate with you, master, " replied Bibi, who has always been characterized by sincerity.

And so they did. After Trump dropped some 700 million-ton bombs on Iran, he declared that now the war was over and peace had begun.

“ We established peace, ” he said again modestly in the plural for himself, using a brilliant expression by Nard Ndoka, “ because in war more people are killed than in peace. While in peace fewer are killed. At least not as many as in war. That is why we are thinking about whether or not to accept the Nobel Peace Prize!”         

***  

After the bombing of the Nobel offices in Stockholm, Sweden, Trump reiterated Iran's scheme:

"Now we have decided to make peace," he declared, " but on one condition: Give us the Nobel Peace Prize. Otherwise we will send the Marines to collect the prize themselves and bring it to us."

Surprisingly, the response was delayed.

Just a few hours later, the most well-read of the White House staff had the courage to inform him that the Swedish offices only awarded the Nobel Prizes in Literature, Chemistry, Physics, and Medicine. While the Nobel Peace Prize was awarded by the Oslo Committee, Norway.

At that moment, Trump became nervous, like when the New York police took him to court.

He opened the world map, which he had barely learned to unfold, and after looking at it carefully, said:

"Oslo, Oslo... I can't find it. Are we going to Canada?"

Note: Patronažisti is a satirical column marveling at the point this world has reached.   


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