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Government, plan of measures to encourage protests

2023-02-11 17:13:58Pikëpamje SHKRUAR NGA LUTFI DERVISHI
Government, plan of measures to encourage protests
View from today's opposition protest

In a place where everything is fine and beautiful, where the sky is blue and the sun shines, where cleanliness blinds the eyes, where institutions work like Swiss watches and the government serves the people, happiness becomes monotonous and pleasure turns into complacency and the latter into boredom.

In a country where people, if they haven't opened the dictionary, don't know what scandal means;

in a country where there is no corruption or injustice;

in a country where education and health is free;

in a place where people have water and electricity 24 hours a day;

in a country where every citizen has access to the Internet;

in a place where sports fields and parks overturn cities...

In this country there is a great danger that people will pass from boredom to apathy.

in a country where the media is out of a job because there is no scandal to expose;

in a place where there is no history of injustice to investigate and no case to resolve; in a country where judges and prosecutors are losing their jobs not because of vetting, but because there are no crimes to investigate and judge and no cases to keep the police, investigators, prosecutors and judges working.

In this country, the government has its work cut out for it.

In this situation it is the duty of the government to take care of the people because after all it is paid by the tax payers to take care of them.

To get ahead of the evil, the government has announced a plan of measures to combat apathy.

1- The 13th of every month will be the day of the National Protest.

People are invited to protest and march through the cities. At the end of each protest, a group of police inspectors who once posed as civilians to spot problematic protesters will announce the winners of the protest, based on a scoring system that takes into account slogans, tone of voice, clashes with security forces. order etc. If turnout is tepid, the possibility of paying protesters will be seen until a culture of protest develops.

2- Every week, in the most watched TV program, the government will organize the "protest lottery". A random citizen will be chosen to lead the protest and choose the cause. The cause can be diverse. People can protest for example "why is the sky so blue today", or "build buildings on parks", or "green grass" is killing our eyes, or "clean air is destroying our lungs". The government will open the protestqeduam.al portal. All citizens who have reached the age of 18 will be invited to register in the protest application1.

3- The government to fight apathy will cause "earthquakes", or natural disasters. Floods are likely to be caused by opening lake dams or industrial accidents to even placing dynamite in tunnels to enrage people so that they take to the streets and protest. "It is critical for democracy," says an internal government study, made public by Iranian hackers, that "people protest, otherwise we risk returning to a country that will become the object of ridicule across the globe."

4- The government will also create a "complaints department". It will be a service line where all citizens' complaints will be heard, from the quality of sea water, to the dissatisfaction people have with reality TV characters.

5- From recent surveys, it has been understood that people do not have the necessary knowledge about what they can protest about. The government will make mandatory training against apathy for all citizens, without exception. Once a week, everyone is required to attend a class where they will learn how to be unhappy, how to complain and how to find fault where everything seems perfect. If there are no results, then it will be switched to night school until the citizens learn how to protest.

6- If even after all these measures, people do not react, then the government will use the "nuclear" variant. Through a closed lottery, where only ministers and senior government officials participate, every month a "winning" official is bound to be involved in a scandal. This way the media will have something to deal with and people can be more encouraged to take to the streets and protest. Scandals at the highest levels of the government can be of the type that "the minister walks on the road, but not on the white lines" or it can go even further and, for example, the Minister of Transport can order subordinates to delay the train by a few seconds and this becomes a scandal.

7- To promote the fight against apathy and cynicism, a State Minister for Protests is appointed.

The government is also reviewing the possibility of self-criticism because by creating a perfect situation it has forgotten that even perfection needs shocks so that life is more interesting and development does not stop. Otherwise, the exodus of Albanians to places where life is not perfect, but still interesting, will continue


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